How did I handle it? Truth is I didn’t. The reality is that I went back to work for 5 months and ended up resigning. Not because I felt guilty, not because I hated work (though the job was shitty and stressful), not because I felt I needed to be at home with the kids…but because I was flailing, and before I realised what help I actually needed or how to ask for that help, I had sunk. I’ll explain more in this post and talk through the conversations I wish I’d had with my key people before going back to work.
For a short while I really REALLY enjoyed being able to give my all to the kids and home. I absolutely loved it. I was all “motherhood is my calling”, “SAHM is my vibe!”. I was so so grateful that our situation meant I could resign from my job and focus on home/family life. I loved clearing the house out, completing unfinished home projects and being able to spend quality time with the kids. Fast forward a few months and I was miserable.
When I made the decision to resign, I blamed it all on the job – I said ‘I hated my job’, I found it ‘too stressful’, ‘I couldn’t work in the toxic environment’ – but now in hindsight, it was nothing that I hadn’t handled before. I know I could’ve stayed in my job and happily figured it all out…IF I didn’t also have the home and family responsibilities all on my shoulders. At the time I didn’t realise how much I was doing and how much it was truly getting to me. I wasn’t able to focus properly on my job as there were constantly home things to worry about (I was working from home so it was ALWAYS on my mind or in view), or pick ups, or sick kids, or dinner to make, laundry to do, and the list goes on. I wish that rather than cutting my career first, that I took a step back and asked for help. Asked my husband to take on more responsibility. But the first thing to take the hit was my job, my thing, the thing I had worked so hard for over 10 years developing…my career.
Now, I’m still not at work, though I have been applying and offered a role. I’m not entirely sure if it’s the industry/career that I miss, or just having something for myself…my own work, my own income, financial contribution to our family. But recently having started this blog back up and making it a regular thing, I don’t yearn for my job so much. I love writing this blog and though it doesn’t make any money or provide income (yet!), I love working on something of my very own. And I hope one day, I can make this a full time income for me.
Anyway, I’m still in a constant battle with myself on whether to go back to work or continue to stay at home..but I’ve given myself until February 2024. That’s the decision day on whether I go back to work. I’m still struggling to see how I’ll juggle it all but I want to try again and keep reminding myself to ask for help when I need it. And when the time comes closer here are a few things that I’ll be discussing / rearranging with my husband (the things I wish I has discussed when I first went back to work after maternity leave):
- School & nursery pick ups / after school club taxiing
- School & nursery drop offs
- Dinner making schedule (so we are both responsible)
- Kids bath time / bedtime
- Morning routines
- Gym schedule (so we both get gym/exercise time)
- 1 night off for each of us per week
- 1 night for both of us every 2-3 weeks (date night / evening together)
- 1 lie in for each of us per week
I guess what I’ve learnt is that going back to work after maternity leave is VERY hard. Your mind is always on the kids and everything else that “needs to be done” and on top of that, you have to just slip into your role at work as if everything’s the same as when you left. So my advice to anyone currently on maternity leave would be, before you go back to work, make sure you, your partner or your support system are all on the same page. Go through the above list and make sure it isn’t all on one person’s shoulders – make sure you figure out who will do what and when. Make sure you create an environment where you can focus on your job as much as possible at least in the first few months.
~X~